La catastrophe et le sens

" I found earthquakes, even when I as in them, deeply satisfying, abruptly revealed evidence of the scheme in action. That the scheme could destroy the works of man might be a personal regret but remained, in the larger picture I had come to recognize, a matter of abiding indifference. No eye was on the sparrow. No one was watching me. As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. On the day it was announced that the atomic bomb had been dropped on Hiroshima those were the words that came immediately to my ten-year-old mind. "

- Joan Didion, The year of  magical thinking

Information de l'être sans forme

"La consommation des nouvelles et des commentaires dans les journaux  quotidiens ou hebdomadaires, à la radio ou à la télévision, représente une super-production de pensées et d'émotions inutiles. Sans formation, sans préparation, sans étude approfondie, tout le monde a son idée sur tout, en économie, en politique, en diplomatie. Mais personne ne se connaît lui-même, personne ne mesure à quel point il ne se connaît pas lui-même. Chacun chérit ses opinions sur des questions dont il ignore les tenants et les aboutissants et a son idée sur la façon dont il faudrait mettre de l'ordre dans le monde, alors qu'il ne sait absolument pas comment il pourrait mettre de l'ordre en lui-même. La sacro-sainte Information est une immense duperie."

Arnaud Desjardins, Monde moderne et sagesse ancienne (1990)

Punkhead

The day I discovered I was a punk was an incredible relief. Finally, I was able to put a word on the strange feelings that were living and growing inside of me. Because obviously I'm not wearing a Mohawk or a nappy pin in my nose, and I never even thought of it.
But despite my bourgeoise outfit and very normal figure, I AM punk. It explains my passive-aggressive way of seeing life, my protesting attitude, my many doubts about the world and my continually questionning of life. It explains the despair of mine, that overwhelmed me sometimes. I'd like to be able to yell them into a micro, too, but it will be asking too much.
But whatever I do, I know now that there has always been a lot of people like me, feeling outcasted or angry about the society. And that is a nice feeling.

Mouchetée

It all started with a dream. Or, perhaps, to be honest, it all started a long time ago, with very strong feelings, these of a small girl wondering of how her life will be many years later.
But it goes on with a dream, the strangest that ever happened before. It was all certainty, a strong message you need to do something with.

Well, I did. I didn't really unterstand what the fuck I had to do, or what was the point, the goal, the need, and more than anything, why I felt concern now about an old situation -and its consequences in a year from now.

Then the weirds happen. A charm found on a airport baggage claim, a email exchange who brings you back a year ago, a search that couldn't obviously happen at an other time, a book dropped in a mail box, foreigners you should never have seen, people you should never have met. It's been so much it's pointless to score, something was talking to me, and it's been only a week.

It stopped like it started. The certainty vanished, I woke up and looked at it with no clear mind.

I just now know that I have to wait an other year. Things are just going the way the universe told me a year, or many years ago. I'm not really surprised, just amused my feelings's been so strong.

There is a calm year and a lot to do for myself ahead. I'm looking forward to seeing what brings the future. Appointment made.

Quelques choses que j'ai apprises

Quand on a envie de revoir quelqu'un du passé, ne pas se dire "c'est trop tard, il/elle m'aura oublié, on a forcément trop changé, on n'a plus rien à partager" ; mais simplement reprendre contact.

Quand on se dit "ce serait bien de faire ceci", le faire ; ou faire un premier pas vers cette action.

Plus on retarde une action, plus elle nous alourdit.

Faire le ménage est toujours une bonne idée.

Dormir est souvent une solution, ou un début de solution.

Les compulsions nous affaiblissent parce qu'elles diminuent le sentiment de notre maîtrise sur nous-mêmes.

Il faut se tenir droit, pas parce que nos parents nous l'on répété, mais parce que l'on respire plus amplement.

Il faut faire attention aux souhaits que l'on formule, parce qu'ils s'exaucent.

Rien n'a davantage à nous apprendre que l'instant.

Les gens sont précieux.

Il faut demander.

Il faut remercier.

On peut changer.