27 février 2011

Why I'm not married

J'avais envie d'apporter ma contribution au débat dont on peut retrouver les termes ici et .

One day you wonder why you're not married. You see others around you proudly and happily announcing their engagement, and you share their joy, for sure. Suddenly you find yourself shopping with a friend for her big day, staring weird at the mountain of silk and white cream in which she disappears. Get use to it: you're probably not seeing her before a while.

But the little question is swirling into your head: How would I look, if...? But don't speak it out too loudly. Some weeks later, you're still alone along the altar, wearing a tied dress and incredibly uncomfortable high heels, just trying not to look as bad as you feel while you're signing the register. Just be a good friend. Don't look at the single men of the assembly. Don't think. Don't eat, you could get fat, don't drink too much, you could get desperate, and no one will ever wonder anymore why you are still not married.

There is two main questions to answer at first before coming to the point: Is marriage a question of will or a question of luck?
Both are related, as we may accept as a postulate that to catch our luck is a question of will, not a question of chance, because luck is coming to anyone.
That is annoying. If you consider that is it true, that means that, when you're approching your thirties and everyone else is in a couple, you may very probably have already met at least one man right for you -and you missed him. Perhaps you know who I'm talking about, and you know what happened, and you have to admit that you weren't probably in the mood to make a commitment at that time.
You're a consequence of your will.
Which means that, to my great relief, you, and I, are not a slut, not shallow, not not good enough, and very probably, not a bitch.

Actually, if you look around you, you have to admit that, generally, most of married women are bitches. They shout at their husband every time you see them, are angry against their kids, complain about cleaning-nursing-cooking, everything that looked like a dream to you once -before you've been surrounded by married women, and started to sleep with their husband. They've even been your friends a long time ago, before they stopped talking to you because you couldn't share the precious poopoo moments and the numerous comments about the paediatrics infections you don't want to know about.

Look a bit further. It's hurting but it is probably true: After spending some time with married women, you became selfish. You prize very much your luck to be sleeping on the Saturday mornings. You even play the non-selfish person by spending some time with the kids, too happy to give them back to their parents and to come back to your quiet two-bedroom-non-children-under-five-proof apartment.

Well, if you arrive to this point, an other conclusion may arise. You're actually a liar. You say you want, but you're not really sure you really want to get married. That's why you use to date the low-esteem guy you tried to fix, or the sentimental-handicapped long term-student you probably knew from the beginning there would be nothing to expect from.

But you did it not only because you're a liar or a selfish heart-broken twenty-nine-young girl. Most probably, you did it because you're an idealistic. The kind who believes in true love. Perhaps you're actually not married because, instead of hooking the right-man-for-you, you're expecting more and keep your heart open to the true, real, fulfilling true love. And you don't want a committed relationship like some others, because you're seeking for love.

And you know what? If you're really believing in it, it could very probably happen.

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